I was once told by a man at a bar that I am

Secret sexy

And in my youth, I'm thinking

That's cute.

But then, as I got older,
Like a few seconds older,

I thought

THE HELL YOU MEAN IM NOT JUST OUTRIGHT
REGULAR OLD SEXY SEXY?!

Like swivel those hips
Sashay down the sidewalk
Sparkle in the pasta aisle
Kind of sexy.

Like
Look atchyu lookin the way you lookin
Kind of sexy.
Like Armenian goddess
And Irish queen
Kind of sexy

Like you betta work those sweatpants
You've had since high school
And pour yourself a few glasses of wine on a Tuesday
Kind of sexy.

That
Wake up in the morning
With mascara under your eye
Because you're so damn tired
After a 12+ hour shift
That taking it off is sometimes
A back burner activity
Kind of sexy

That wind and grind
And GRIND some more
Kind of sexy.

That goes to bed with her hair wet
And wakes up
Lookin' like a who from Whoville
kind of sexy

That stand up,
Speak out,
Don't be silent
(Unless you're meant to listen),
March for lives
March for women
Black lives matter
Intersectional feminist
You don't always deserve the microphone
Kind of sexy.
That
I'll take the time and make the time to teach you
Kind of sexy.

That it took be a damn long time to have this kind of confidence sexy
And still I have rough days kind of sexy
I am woman
Kind of sexy
Hear me roar
Kind of sexy

I truly think that is a terrible song
Kind of sexy.

Sooooo Hear me sing
Kind of sexy
(Riff)
(Sung) kind of sexy.

That I can bruh-bruh-break it down
On the dance floor
And yes, I dance around
When I'm cooking
Kind of sexy.
And speaking of food I am hungry right now
Kind of sexy.
And I could do with a good filet mignon
And a honey whiskey on the rocks
But maybe a gin and soda with a squeeze of lemon kind of sexy
And
You're welcome to buy me a drink
And I'll buy you one too
But that exchange of pleasantry
Doesn't mean you get to pleasure me
Kind of sexy.

That I have insomnia and also
PTSD
Kind of sexy
And it took me years to reclaim this
And this
And this
Kind of sexy
And I am doing just fine
Kind of sexy
I'm a survivor
sexy
A warrior
sexy
A healer
sexy.

And I walk around naked in my apartment
Kind of sexy
And now, you're picturing me naked, in my apartment
kind of sexy.

And that’s ok. That's ok.
Cause it's a cute apartment.
And I AM
That sexy
Kind of sexy.
Ain't nothin secret about that.

About the artist...

Samantha Dedian is so honored and excited to be a part of Scout and Birdie’s issue of POOLSIDE. Hailing from New England, Sam is a singer, performer, playwright, and poet. She is an avid football fan and a lover of all things ice cream. Sam is currently preparing to move back to Maine, and will miss this city and its people immensely - but she’s ready to start a new adventure! Thank you to family, both chosen and blood. This ones for you, Rodney. Sldedian@gmail.com